That’s right you slackers, out of all of you who have purchased our fine apparel this week, only one of you has the ambition to actually use a camera and email.  His name is John.  John recently bought a Blank a Baby shirt and loved it so much that he met up with one of our very own t-shirt designers just to take a picture.

Slackers, meet John.  John, Slackers.  See all this recognition John is getting right now?  It could be yours.  But no, you’re too fucking lazy to send us your shit.  You might as well buy a wheelchair and a Lazy t-shirt and sit on a fucking street corner collecting change.  You fuck.

Don’t feel too bad though, we’re not done with you yet.  With this photo begins the Pronwear Patrol - a way for you, our fans, help us spread the good word of Pronwear.  Get out on the streets and preach!  Tell the world about Pronwear.com and help them join the Patrol.  Take pics of your efforts, send them in, and get free shit!

That’s right, In keeping with our long tradition of giving away free crap, here’s what we’re gonna do.  If you send us a picture of yourself in a Pronwear situation (wearing a shirt, buying a shirt, trying to get someone else to wear/buy a shirt, giving a homeless man a shirt, whatever - this applies to Pronwear stickers also), we’ll send you something for free, and add your photo to the upcoming Pronwear Patrol Page.  The free something might be a shirt, it might be a decal, it might be a 70’s porno mag, who knows!  This deal won’t last forever though, so act now!

That means get off your ass.  You fuck.

-Kush

We’re moving right along, ladies and gentlemen.  If you look around (that means lay down the pipe and open your fucking eyes), you’ll notice a few additions to the website.  First of all, we have some brand spanking new designs at the top of the homepage.   We banged out some internet humor for you technologically advanced types, and we also rolled out something to piss off even more people than we already have.   Fucking right.

More importantly (well, more important to you anyway) you now have two new ways to get free shit from us.  We’re that giving…because we care.  If you buy three shirts at a time, you’ll get another one of your choice for free.  “But Kush”, you exclaim, “I don’t have the money or the ability to commit to four choices at once!”.  Alright you poor and/or lazy bastard, we’ve made it even easier for you.  Buy ONE shirt, take a picture of yourself in it (preferably something funny, offensive or amusing - if we fall asleep looking at these pictures then we can’t ship out shirts to ANYONE, so make them fucking interesting, people), and send it to us.  If you already have a Pronwear shirt, your job is even easier.  Either way, you’ll be forever immortalized on Pronwear.com (and in our hearts), and you’ll get free shit.  How can you say no to a deal like that.

Moving on…

We now have almost 300 friends on Myspace, and good lawdy some of you females are smokin.  And gentlemen, I don’t want to see your hairy chests anymore - put your shirts back on.  If you feel you must tell the world about your nipples, you might consider one of our newest shirts.  Ladies, this is purely optional.  However, there still may be certain situations during which the nipples might need to be wrapped up - your Aunt Beatrice’s funeral, for example. Can’t have the bewbage just flopping around now, can we?  Fear not, you can still inform everyone of your current nipple mood!   Just pick up an  “I Have Happy Nipples” shirt and you’re good to go.