Well, fuck.  It’s been a pretty crazy year here at PronWear.  Over the course of the last 12 months we managed to launch the company, release over 20 offensive t-shirt designs, market ourselves to the masses, piss off about 100,000 people and have another 100,000 people fall madly in love with us.  We’ve now sold shirts to customers in 10 countries, have new products in the works, and are starting to outgrow our little t-shirt shoppe.  Couldn’t have done it without you - our customers, fans and supporters.  Who the hell would have thought that we’d come this far - just four guys from the East Coast supporting the crazy idea of freedom of expression.

Over the next few months we will be adding new products for you to drool over.  Can’t reveal them just yet, but they’ll be more than just t-shirts.  It’ll all be announced on this blog, so remember the address or bookmark it or print it out and tattoo it on your asshole so your girlfriend can read it back to you later tonight - whatever you need to do, dude.

Please, please don’t send us a picture of your asshole.

On another note, we’re also in the process of moving to a new location that will let us produce shit more efficiently and will provide a much needed base of operations for PronWear.  It’s just large enough to keep our inventory, equipment and supplies organized.  Us, fucking organized?  We’ll see how long that lasts.  I’ll post some pictures as soon as it’s all set up and before the PronWear bombshell hits the building.

Lastly, gotta thank the PronWear crew for sticking with me during the past year, working with me to create the most offensive and hilarious designs I’ve ever seen and supplying me with enough scotch to put me in a coma.  You’ll meet them soon on this blog, in an upcoming feature on the “Guys Behind the Shirts” (or whatever the hell I decide to name it.  Don’t rush me).

Happy fucking New Year, you asshole.

–Kush

That’s right you slackers, out of all of you who have purchased our fine apparel this week, only one of you has the ambition to actually use a camera and email.  His name is John.  John recently bought a Blank a Baby shirt and loved it so much that he met up with one of our very own t-shirt designers just to take a picture.

Slackers, meet John.  John, Slackers.  See all this recognition John is getting right now?  It could be yours.  But no, you’re too fucking lazy to send us your shit.  You might as well buy a wheelchair and a Lazy t-shirt and sit on a fucking street corner collecting change.  You fuck.

Don’t feel too bad though, we’re not done with you yet.  With this photo begins the Pronwear Patrol - a way for you, our fans, help us spread the good word of Pronwear.  Get out on the streets and preach!  Tell the world about Pronwear.com and help them join the Patrol.  Take pics of your efforts, send them in, and get free shit!

That’s right, In keeping with our long tradition of giving away free crap, here’s what we’re gonna do.  If you send us a picture of yourself in a Pronwear situation (wearing a shirt, buying a shirt, trying to get someone else to wear/buy a shirt, giving a homeless man a shirt, whatever - this applies to Pronwear stickers also), we’ll send you something for free, and add your photo to the upcoming Pronwear Patrol Page.  The free something might be a shirt, it might be a decal, it might be a 70’s porno mag, who knows!  This deal won’t last forever though, so act now!

That means get off your ass.  You fuck.

-Kush

Hello all, in the light of the current financial situation and the festive time of year we are currently in, we’ve begun to think of you, our fans. In this time of need, this time of peril and uncertainty, we shall not want. We shall not greed. We say NO! We will NOT pillage the pockets of you, our loyal customers. NO! We will NOT rape your sisters and murder your fathers. Instead, we will be kind, generous, even perhaps giving. Well maybe not giving, but we think you’ll still be happy.

For a limited time, EVERY shirt on Pronwear.com is 16 bucks - and that’s not even the best part! The top row of designs on our homepage, whatever designs it contains at the moment, will be just 12 bucks. 12 FUCKING DOLLARS!!!

So go check it out. Because we said so. Because we care. Because your sister is really hot and we really don’t want to rape her. If you could put a good word in for us though, we’d really appreciate that. Just don’t mention the rape thing, that would totally ruin our chances and we’d really be bummed about that.

kthxbai.

We’re moving right along, ladies and gentlemen.  If you look around (that means lay down the pipe and open your fucking eyes), you’ll notice a few additions to the website.  First of all, we have some brand spanking new designs at the top of the homepage.   We banged out some internet humor for you technologically advanced types, and we also rolled out something to piss off even more people than we already have.   Fucking right.

More importantly (well, more important to you anyway) you now have two new ways to get free shit from us.  We’re that giving…because we care.  If you buy three shirts at a time, you’ll get another one of your choice for free.  “But Kush”, you exclaim, “I don’t have the money or the ability to commit to four choices at once!”.  Alright you poor and/or lazy bastard, we’ve made it even easier for you.  Buy ONE shirt, take a picture of yourself in it (preferably something funny, offensive or amusing - if we fall asleep looking at these pictures then we can’t ship out shirts to ANYONE, so make them fucking interesting, people), and send it to us.  If you already have a Pronwear shirt, your job is even easier.  Either way, you’ll be forever immortalized on Pronwear.com (and in our hearts), and you’ll get free shit.  How can you say no to a deal like that.

Moving on…

We now have almost 300 friends on Myspace, and good lawdy some of you females are smokin.  And gentlemen, I don’t want to see your hairy chests anymore - put your shirts back on.  If you feel you must tell the world about your nipples, you might consider one of our newest shirts.  Ladies, this is purely optional.  However, there still may be certain situations during which the nipples might need to be wrapped up - your Aunt Beatrice’s funeral, for example. Can’t have the bewbage just flopping around now, can we?  Fear not, you can still inform everyone of your current nipple mood!   Just pick up an  “I Have Happy Nipples” shirt and you’re good to go.

Well here it is bitches, the first Pronwear blog. We’re just gearing up for our official launch / media blitz, which I’m hoping will occur at the beginning of next month. We’ve got about a dozen t-shirt designs up on the site, and will probably have about a dozen more shirts by next month for your amusement. Offensive shirts, political shirts, funny shirts, we’ve got it all.

For those who haven’t been keeping up with our daily progress (or stalking us, as the case may be), here’s some info on this t-shirt company for you to munch on: Pronwear consists of four members who fortunately are also great friends, and somehow get work done despite being constantly distracted by Family Guy and midget porn. We are yours truly, the dirty Jew, who is supposed to be in charge of this fucking place but is writing this god forsaken blog instead of actually doing any real work, and three full-time designers - the other filthy Jew (oy!), the Italian (ehyyy!) and the German (heil!). Between the four of us, we somehow manage to get shit done. So there you go, four fucked up friends running a successful t-shirt company. And they said we’d never amount to nothing….

The upgrades at our screen printing facility are just about finished also, which means that we’ll be able to get your shit to you as quickly as humanly possible. We’re also almost finished training our midgets, who not only make the best quality t-shirts, but also look adorable doing it. We like to think that we’re an equal opportunity employer. As long as you’re a midget. Or a hot chick. If you’re a hot midget chick don’t even bother applying, just show up at our building for work tomorrow.

We like to think that we’re living with the times, so we toiled endlessly to make MySpace and Facebook pages. Sometimes we’ll have t-shirt sales or special deals on shirts only for our MySpace or Facebook fans - so add yourselves or I’ll personally come to your home and crap on your bed. And then not clean it up. You think I’m kidding. Jackass.

-Kush